Life has a way of teaching us lessons too late. Sometimes, we only realize the value of a person after they’re no longer around. That’s the story behind my upcoming song “I Was Wrong” — a heartfelt tribute to my grandmother, the one person who never gave up on me, even when I was too childish to see it. 💔 The Heart of the Song My grandmother wasn’t just family — she was a force of love and protection. While the world seemed to turn against me, she was the one who stood by my side. She fought for me, defended me, and believed in me when no one else did. Yet, in my youthful mischievousness, I didn’t always understand her value. I made fun of her sometimes — of her age, her habits, the little things that now feel like precious memories. I didn’t see the countless sacrifices she made. I didn’t realize how rare it is to have someone who truly loves you without conditions. “I Was Wrong” was born out of this realization — a mix of regret, nostalgia, and hope. A song that carries the words I ...
How It Feels When Your Own Family Sees You as a Failure
The pain I’m feeling right now… I can’t even express it in words.
Even when I try, who would understand me? And if someone does, what difference would it make anyway?
This isn’t just today. This is every day. Every single day I feel it — the coldness, the words, the rejection.
Even though I’m surviving, the truth is only I know how I’m surviving. I forget most of the past — the things people said, the moments that hurt me — but it all comes rushing back when I feel sad or alone. And then I ask myself: why am I like this?
Growing Up in a Cold, Uncaring Family
My grandfather and father have said things that cut deeper than anyone else ever could.
They’ve told me I’ll “always give them pain,” that I “don’t have a brain,” and that I will “never have knowledge.”
They’ve made it clear that they care about my little brother, but not me.
All of this happened on my face, in front of others, and I laughed it off to survive. But the truth is, it hurt me in a way I can’t even explain.
In my family, warmth doesn’t exist. Nobody checks on anyone. Nobody cares if you’re hurting. Everyone just survives — emotionally detached, cold-blooded, like strangers living under the same roof.
Forgetting Pain,but It Always Returns
Sometimes I wonder if forgetting is my superpower… or my curse.
After some rest, some distraction, I feel healed, like it never happened. But then sadness hits again, and all those words, all that pain, comes back like a memory I didn’t ask for.
That cycle — forgetting, surviving, remembering — is exhausting. But it also shows one thing: I’m still here. I’m still standing.
Turning Pain into Strength
Pain has two choices: destroy you or fuel you.
I choose fuel. Every insult, every cruel word, every moment I’ve been rejected is becoming fire inside me.
I might not have money. I might not have anyone cheering me on. I might not even have love from my own family.
But I do have determination. I do have fire. And I do have the will to prove myself.
One day, the people who called me a failure will watch me rise — not because I wanted revenge, but because I refused to let their words define me.
Music: My Safe Place
Music is where I release the pain I can’t express in words.
Lyrics, beats, and melodies hold my sadness, my frustration, and my loneliness.
Maybe I was meant to feel this way — so I can create songs that connect with people who feel invisible, unheard, and broken.
If you’re reading this and you’ve ever been called nothing, know this: you are not nothing. You are just in your “before” chapter.
My Promise to Myself
I don’t know what the future holds.
I only know this: I will never give up.
If I become something — good.
If I don’t — I’ll die trying.
But I will never let anyone’s coldness or cruelty make me cold.
I will never let their words define my worth.
I will prove everyone wrong. I will show them exactly who the f*** I am.
And when I come back to this post one day, I will smile — not because it didn’t hurt, but because I survived it.
🖤
Written by: Joss Collen
Date: October 5, 2025
Comments
Post a Comment